Dying: the farewell

Since the day we were born, all of us are destined to die. As you draw into old age, you may wish to review your life and all of its ups and downs. Or you may decide to do this at an earlier time in your life. Here is some guidance you may like to consider.

• Don’t have regrets for the things that have not gone well. We all have them. Decide what you would do differently if you were faced with the same choices again. This is how you learn and grow. A learning is never a waste for your soul even if you learn it with your last breath.
• Be kind to yourself. We often accept the views of that critical voice inside, your ego. Your soul is much kinder and more loving. It is surprisingly objective and comes with wisdom when reviewing the life challenges you have had to deal with. Listen to the loving, kind voice rather than the critical one.
• Be grateful for the opportunities to learn you have been given in this lifetime. You may or may not have got things right or the outcome you desired. But perhaps you have learnt hard lessons, such as how to handle disappointment in a gracious way. Or learnt to remain positive and hopeful as something better will arrive. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time of disappointment.

Perhaps the hardest farewell is when someone knows they are terminally ill.

When I am ill, I always say to myself – never mind, you will feel a little better tomorrow. How hard it must be to know it will not be the case for you and yet still enjoy life. Some people do manage this hardest of tasks. Perhaps they have learnt or found the wisdom, it is not about the quantity of life but rather the quality of it.

Did I do my best with my life?

When my dad was terminally ill, he took the time and energy left to him to express his love for us by making his dying the easiest he could for us. Just before he passed, he told me where to find a file he had prepared for me. Later I found out he had organised his own funeral right down to the church, coffin and guest list. He also gave me guidance on helping my mum to run the home and her finances. He left nothing of daily life to guess work. I feel it helped him to cope with the situation and left him space to enjoy the remaining life left to him with his wife and family. When we spoke of his upcoming passing, he said he was grateful for his life with my mum and the joy his children had given him. He just wished he could enjoy it a little longer but accepted it was not to be so.

Gratitude for the life you have enjoyed, including the good and not so good elements, seems to go a long way in making the effort of being born and living a life more worthwhile.

I am learning;

Endings are a prelude to new beginnings.

When my husband died young, I was jolted into a new beginning. I didn’t find it easy but I learnt so much about myself, how other people behave and the importance of caring for one another. It has made me less judgmental and a more compassionate and loving person. My husband was a generous man to enable me to gain the richness of this learning.

Thank you.