Divorce: do you live with the fall-out from another person’s failed relationship?

One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is a happy childhood.  Sadly divorce happens.  The impact goes far wider than the couple who have decided to split – their children, parents, aunts, uncles and wider family, friends and new partners.

The true impact of divorce is often not spoken of in a family and can continue for many tens of years after the decree absolute.  Even new partners and their families can be caught up in the web of emotions.  There are those awkward family gatherings when you are not sure who to invite and if everyone will get along alright.

Relationship splits, whether inside or outside of a marriage, can be painful.  I have observed couples full of anger, resentment and revenge use their children to inflict further pain on their ex-partner.  Some normally good parents can sometimes seem to take leave of their senses.

I have also observed couples who have ‘fallen out out of love’ but have decided to separate in a considered and loving manner.  This is not always as easy as it is said, especially if one party feels there has been a betrayal.

Whatever bad things happen in your life, you choose how you react to it.

The nature of your reaction can determine how long it takes you to recover.

I had a manager whose wife decided they should split.  I do not know the reason why, but they did it in the most grown-up way I have ever seen.  Despite nerves on both sides, they agreed a fair split of the marital assets and did everything to protect the children and ensure they felt secure and loved.  The wife taught her ex-husband their children’s bedtime routine so on a visit he could settle them to sleep with more ease.  The children loved both of their parents and that never changed because they did not all live together.

I do wish parents could follow the wisdom of their children.

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